Valley of Shadows by Emrys Phoenix

Author:Emrys Phoenix [Phoenix, Emrys]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 0101-01-01T00:00:00+00:00

I SHOULD head to my study and get to work, but I’m not ready to buckle down yet. I need some alone time, to think, to get my head on straight again. I’ll get on with the rest of the day’s regularly scheduled agenda, but first, a spot of clean-up and contemplation. Then down to business.

Clearing away the remnants of our recent repast won’t take very long. It’s not like we left a huge mess in the wake of our lunch, but tidying it up will give me something to do with my hands while I attempt to make sense of the latest turn my life has taken.

For me, anything involving other people is always complicated, but when you add emotions into the mix, there are no superlatives to adequately describe the degree to which I can potentially become fucked up. That is a word I do not use lightly, in fact, hardly at all, but it in this particular context, I can’t think of a better one.

Big surprise coming, here: I don’t do anything like anyone else, including how I feel. I’m not talking about moods, here, I mean how I literally—feel. The process, not the emotions. Let me elucidate.

Until I learned how to shield and shut down the emotional invasion, people gave me nothing but grief. I couldn’t be within three feet of anything breathing without unconsciously absorbing and internalizing whatever strong emotion they broadcast. It made for some mighty confusing moments before Mrs. Sheridan diagnosed my dilemma and taught me how to head it off at the proverbial pass. Now I understand how susceptible I am to the emotional vagrancies of others and can protect myself from outside influences emanating from everyone around me; I don’t need to put so much distance between me and everybody else, but self-sequestering has been working for me so far, and I’m used to it. Besides, constantly keeping the barriers up is tiring. Not necessary when there’s no one in the hood but me.

When it comes to the set of emotions I’m most concerned with at the moment, while I’m inexperienced, I’m not entirely unaware. I’ve fended off my share of interest, offers, and advances. Definitely not talking in a literary context. Whenever I encounter amorous energies, I have to be particularly aware of my own thoughts and feelings and constantly on the alert for emotional infiltration from outside sources. Unfortunately, it’s possible for anyone beaming heavy-duty desires in my direction to make me believe I want what they want. I have to keep on top of that sort of subliminal seduction attempt all the time lest I end up with someone on top of me without it being my idea.

Um….

Empathy is a great thing to have in small doses, but the extent to which I can experience it? It can really mess your head up, not to mention your entire life, if you allow yourself to become overwhelmed, lose your sense of self, and get sucked down in the undertow of alien emotions.

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